I had heard that a close friend had become ill, so I went to visit her. When I got there she was laying in bed and she looked awful, dark circles around her eyes and all frail. I sat next to her and she starting telling me about this curse on the house. There was a German house keeper named Gurta who was molested by the man of the house a very long time ago. She had gotten pregnant and the man had beaten her to death. Now Gurta comes back and takes the souls of people who live in that house. The rest I remember from this dream is my friend dying and the way she looked was like she was sitting straight up, eyes rolled back in her head, mouth twisted open in a weird way and purple bruises all around her eyes. It scared the crap out of me! I didn't sleep for a while after that.

Anyways, I just thought I would write that down before I forgot.

I've made waaay more than this but I haven't put those in collage form yet. I'm so glad I discovered this!

This site is amazing! It gives me soo many ideas to create my own outfits :D

Okay, since I'm so web-challenged, I can't figure out how to get the code thingy on Polyvore to work on here, so I saved it and uploaded it. Crappy quality pictures ftw...


 

I felt like sharing some dreams I've had recently. Some of them have been REALLY weird and some of them have been really cool.

I had this one a few months ago. It started out with me being in a bed. A little cot would better describe it. An alarm had started to go off and I knew exactly what to do. I got up and put on this thermal suit thingy and rushed into a different room where a group of people dressed like me were standing. I was apparently apart of the Indonesian Coast Guard and we were going to rescue the crew of an oil tanker caught in a storm in the Indian Ocean. We sped out on our boats until we got to the tanker. I somehow got onto it and was trying to help a man get to safety. Then a gigantic wave swept over the boat and I was washed away. That's when I woke up. It was so vivid that I've remembered it so well for the past six or so months.

I had this dream a couple of weeks ago. I think it's the strangest I've had in a while. I went on a trip to London, England with my ex-boyfriend. He wasn't feeling well so he stayed in the hotel while I went out to explore. I was walking down a street when I randomly came across a concert, I don't remember for who though. I climbed up onto a roof and watched as they played. I was then knocked right off the roof and fell flat on my back on the ground below. I got up and I was fine and I ran back to the hotel, bursting in yelling "Reilly! Reilly! I just fell off a roof!". Yeah, messed up, I know.

I had this dream this past Friday night. I dreamt that I was a soldier in World War Two and I was with someone who was apparently my brother. We were in a forest in Belgium when the enemy attacked (which is weird because wasn't Belgium neutral in WWII?). As we fought we got separated. I was trying desperately to find my brother, but I could not. Then it skipped ahead some time and I was running through a field by myself trying to escape a couple of enemy soldiers. I ran into a forest and I heard gun shots. I kept running until I hit the other side of the forest which came to an abandoned farm. I dove into a wheat field and peaked out into the field. There was a figure standing over the two enemy soldiers that were laying dead on the ground. I got up and started walking towards the figure. The figure turned around and said "Jack?" and I realized that it was my brother. We ran towards each other and hugged and cried. That's when I woke up and there were tears running down my face. It was a great dream, it was like a war movie but it felt like it was happening to me. It was fantastic!

Those are the only interesting ones I've had in a while, except for this really weird dream that I had about the hot guy that's painting our house last night. Basically it was me walking out the door on the way to school and him flirting with me and random make out scene. It was strange, I hate when I have dreams about people I don't know, I feel creepy. But he is HAWT. But also like six or seven years my senior, which apparently is illegal if you know what I mean *wink wink*. Okay, you probably don't know what I mean, but I already feel creepy enough so I'm not going to explain. Let's just say it's my stupid, hormonal, dirty teenaged mind coming into play.
 

Right now I'm wishing I went for the ice cream.

I talked to Reilly(boyfriend) he agreed on a break. BUT I think I want more than a break. After I talked to Reilly, I chilled with my mom, I love my mom, she just makes things soooo much clearer for me. I talked everything out with her, and I realized that I've been positively miserable in the love life department. I wouldn't even admit it to myself! For the past couple of months I knew it was there, I didn't want to be with him. I convinced myself that I was happy pretty much. The only reason I'm still with him is to make him happy, I care about him a lot but I don't want to be his girlfriend. My problem is that I'll do anything so somebody else is happy, even at the expense of my mental and even physical well being. I can't help it, it's something that comes naturally to me. It causes me so many problems. Like my freshman year of high school, I met a boy. This was a very veeery bad boy, not even the good kind of bad boy either. This was the kind who gets kicked out of school for assaulting a staff member, does drugs and fights. I was blinded by this boy because, me being kind of tomboyish back then, wasn't used to guys paying attention to me. We went on a couple of dates and he was very polite and charming even. We started going steady and I was further blinded by stupid now meaningless corny things whispered in my ear and cheesy fake romantic things like kissing under the stars. I was so blinded that I was somehow convinced to lose my virginity to this piece of shit at fourteen. My mom found out and we fought about it all the time. For some reason, all I did was defend him, so he wouldn't get in trouble so he could go on living his merry care free life, while I got stuck dealing with the childrens aid society on a weekly basis. I knew I didn't want to be in this situation. I wanted to enjoy my first year of high school but instead I was shipped back and forth between my dad's house and my mom's because she couldn't handle me anymore all because I wanted to make some undeserving piece of shit happy even though I was miserable. He treated me like dirt, he wouldn't let me have any male friends and he didn't like any of my female friends so he didn't want me to hang out with them. He made me feel like everyone else hated me so all I had was him. So I stuck with him, until finally and to the greatest relief I've ever felt, the police took me away from the piece of shit's house and my dad was waiting to bring me to his place a couple of hours away. That's where it ended. A restraining order was put against him and I lived with my dad for a year which was so good for me. I had a few dates, one steady boyfriend and made some really good friends while I lived there and everything was normal again finally! I learned a lot of lessons from that experience but apparently I didn't take one of them to heart. I need to do things for me, I have to learn that if I'm not happy with someone then it's time to leave them. Yeah, I care about his happiness, but he'll find a girl that will make him happy and she'll be happy with him. That sentence is pretty much the only thing keeping me from bawling my eyes out right now.

It feels really good to type all of that out though. Even though no one is going to read it, it just feels like cinder blocks have been lifted off my chest.

Good night LiveJournal.

So instead of going for the 2 litres of comforting vanilla ice cream, I got the huge, more nutritionally friendly container of salad.

PMS sucks, horribly. Between a couple days of being cranky and a week of bleeding from places that should never be bled from, I want to be a boy.
I hate how my period turns me into this psycho bitch. I'll freak out at anyone who does or says one thing wrong. It's insane. I'm normally a calm and quiet person, but adding up the weeks I have PMS, so that's about three months of my year, I'm an opinionated, shit-disturbing jerk.

So, I'm pretty much sitting here, wallowing in self-pity while eating salad drenched in italian dressing. It doesn't help that boyfriend and I have been arguing alot for the past while.He's just always there, you know, like if I want to go out with friends my cell phone is constantly vibrating because he's texting me 30696560735360 times. We spend waay too much time together, we're always at eachothers throats and I just don't know what to do. I don't want to break up with him but a girl just needs space sometimes. I try to stay away from him for a couple days but it never lasts long because he'll always be like "I miss you, come see me" and I just can't say no. Does that make me a horrible person?

As I'm typing this he sends me a text message to say he's calling now, when we agreed he would call at 9. I have half the mind to pick up the phone when he calls and say "fuck off, this is Kat time." and hang up. But no, I'm too goddamn nice and I let people do what they want so they're happy. What about my happiness huh? Doesn't Kat deserve a little peace and freedom? Gr. Well, he just called, so going to have a big talk with him. Me thinks he needs to back off for like a week. I guess what some may call a "break".
 

Is it wrong to be willing to die for something you believe in?

I don't think it is. I think it would be a life well spent to die to help a bigger cause. Now I'm not talking about Al-Qaeda or the Taliban or whoever it is that brainwashes young men into blowing themselves up to prove something. No, I mean for example, say you're protesting the lack of women's rights in a foreign country and the police start shooting. Say they kill somebody, it could get the ball rolling on a debate that could possibly change the leaders of that country's minds. Not that I'm saying "Hey kids, lets go protest and throw ourselves at the police and die!" I would never ever promote something like that. The two points I'm basically getting at are that people usually don't take alot of notice until someone gets killed, and it's not wrong to stand up for what you believe in and if you get injured, arrested, killed etc. then you'd be a martyr. I personally think it would be an honour to die for a cause such as women's rights because that is something I strongly believe in.

Women can do everything a man can do, I just don't get how some countries haven't realized that yet. I really like that commercial where all the different races of women are stepping up and saying "I am powerful", it's great that someone thought to do that. I think some men are threatened by women (not all men). A personal example: I dated this guy, biggest idiot ever, so frigging ignorant. He wouldn't let me do anything that he deemed a "male activity". He had a four wheeler then, he wouldn't let me drive it because according to him only a man could handle one of those. So after arguing about it, I snatched the helmet out of his hands plopped it on my head, got on the four wheeler and sped off before he realized what I was doing. I had only driven a four wheeler twice before but to prove a point I went full speed and went over the jumps he was too chicken to go over then circled him two or three times. I then stopped, got off and plopped the helmet back in his hands. He then got pissed off at me for showing him up in front of his friends. I dumped him that night. Best day of my life.

But anyways, I'm sorry if this offended anyone, I tried to word it so it wouldn't.

So today was my first day of work at the stable. I. Feel. Dead. My body is numb from the neck down. Don't get me wrong, it was alot of fun, but I worked really hard and I'm not used to that much physical labour. I mucked stalls, stacked bales of straw, moved 16 gigantic wheelbarrow loads of loose hay, raked and swept the walkway, then rode for an hour and a half. I haven't ridden for over a year so my muscles weren't really used to the movements. I think horseback riding is kind of like riding a bike in the sense if you don't ride for a while then when you get back on it all comes back to you. It was amazing though, I had so much fun! I rode a horse named Chevy and he was absolutely fabulous, he was a really smooth ride and he was so calm and forgiving while I tried to remember all I was taught. By the end of my lesson I was doing the rising trot in circles and reverses and such. It was pretty awesome!

As for sewing, i haven't got alot done. EXCEPT I did get most of my red and white striped itty bitty purse. I should have it done soon.

I love how I can go on rants on this thing because nobody reads it :D

MUAHAHAHAHA!

Anywho, now that I've got that out of my system I would like to say I've discovered Twitter. Yup. I have no idea what the point of that website is or why I'm on it or how to do anything on it really. I'm confused to the max. Oh well.

I have to go shower and stuff, hot date today ;) I think I'm going to wear my pretty blue summer dress and leggings. I want to look pretty, wish me luck the non-existant readers of my web journal thing, i'm going to need alot of it.
 

It's seven thirty am on a Monday morning, during summer vacation, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING UP?! I've been awake since five thirty this morning and I cannot seem to get back to sleep. So, since I came downstairs at about six I've been watching the Mythbusters shark week special. I've seen it a few times but meh, it's Mythbusters, reruns are still interesting.

So I'm going to take a guess that I screwed up my sleeping pattern by staying up until four thirty Sunday morning watching Gossip Girl with my friend Lindsay then sleeping until nine am then sleeping from seven thirty pm until nine pm and then sleeping from two thirty am until five thirty am. I'm soo tired it's unbelievable. I'm supposed to be going to a friends house to swim but maybe I shouldn't, I'll like fall asleep in the pool and drown.

I'm mega uberly stressed out right now, why you may ask? Job searching. 'Nuf said. All of the college students got the jobs before I moved here, so it's tough. I've applied for a few and haven't heard anything back yet but it's been less than a week since I've applied so I guess patience might be a good thing. I was originally set on working in a clothing store or doing farm work but now it's turning into desperation and I'll take anything even if it's scrubbing floors in public washrooms.

I have accomplished something though! In the past week I've: entered my first writing contest, finished a short story for the first time, finished my first t-shirt reconstruction and eaten my weight in junk food. I'm very proud of myself. The contest was nothing big, just a contest hosted on a forum, but for the contest you're given a picture and you have to write a short story that goes along with the picture. The short story I wrote and finished (but is still being edited) in one day is for that contest and it's about a girl who is in an abusive relationship but stands up for herself and rids herself of the abuse. The shirt I reconstructed was an XL shirt that my dad gave me as a night shirt but I altered it so it's now tight on my hips but gets looser at the top, one sleeve you can put off the shoulder and there is slits up the right side. And finally the junk food, well uh, chips, chocolate and chicken wings and alot of them.

Well, I'm going to go try and sleep for another two hours or so.
 

Anywho, I MOVED! HURRAY! It's been so hectic it's insane! I got back on a friday and went directly to Reilly's after dropping off my stuff at my mom's house because I was going to a wedding with him on Saturday. The wedding was SO beautiful! The place they had it was absolutely perfect, minus misquitos and cicadas (one flew into my eye). There was this big pond with a bridge over it to this gazebo where the ceremony was held, then in the middle of the pond there was this beautiful little island with a gazebo on it. Reilly and I skipped out on most of the dinner because we had some nasty sickening fast food earlier that day, so we had time to explore a little. It was all some huge farm of some sort around the conference center and park, there were horses, emus and friggin' elk all around. We went to see this one horse and he broke the fence by scratching his bum on it. We walked around the park for a while, there is a long trail going from the gazebo where the ceremony was held all the way around the pond and to the bridge to the island gazebo and on to the patio of the conference center. We stayed in the island gazebo for a long time and saw the cutest little muskrat. Then his niece (that I want to stuff in a blender) came to find us to say that the dancing part was starting, so we went inside and I begged Reilly to dance with me, but he wouldn't. For some reason that pissed me off and I ended up walking out and sitting on the bridge by myself in the dark for like five minutes before Reilly came to find me. I know it's a stupid reason to get mad but sometimes he's just no fun. He apologized and we made up. We made it back to the hotel around midnight and I was wiped and a little tipsy from the nasty wine I stupidly decided to chug when I was pissed. So after some aided undressing because I could barely stand, I passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. The next day we got up nice bright and early and got coffee and bagels from the hotel foyer then checked out. We drove over the Rideau Canal and visited the Museum of Civilization, that was pretty interesting, I learned a bunch. Now I'm going to finish this paragraph off by saying: four hour car rides SUCK. Enough said.

So now that I'm somewhat settled into my mom's house I have to start looking for a job because I'm friggin' sick of being poor. I've applied for a few this week and I hope to hear something back soon. If I just had money I could start making the clothes I've sketched in my drawing book. I really want to start making my own stuff, kind of customize my look. I could maybe even sell the stuff I make for a little side cash. That would be nice. I so wish I had money now though. I was invited to go to this waterfront festival thing with some friends I haven't seen in such a long time. I wish I was two years younger when I was too young to get a job and I got allowance. Oh well, life bites, might as well bite it back.

I should get some sleep, but I'm leaving my light on. Damn horror movies and their horror-ness.
 

Three more freaking days until I move from this godawful place. I'm so excited! Then for four days I'll be with my boyfriend and his family at a wedding! I'm so psyched it's unbelievable!

Yesterday I wrote my last exam. It was for my academic English class and I had fun writing it. Yes, I said FUN. It was so easy! I absolutely LOVE writing essays and it was on one of my favourite books. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck is one of the greatest novels ever written! I just want to give Lennie a giant hug! If you have never read this book then I suggest you do, seriously, it will open your eyes about some aspects of life. Discrimination and isolation are pretty big themes in that book and all of it so applies to real life. So, I have to say that was probably the best essay I've ever written.

I'm going to be a stereotypical girl for five seconds while I say: I FRIGGIN' LOVE SHOPPING! On Saturday my dad took me to the next town over to go clothes shopping, so he dropped me off at Walmart and buggered off. I'm not even going to lie, I love Walmart! Partially because I'm cheap (a trait inherited from my father) and partially because they have some really awesome stuff! I bought an awesome zebra striped short sleeved hoodie for $8, a blue t shirt with light blue hearts on it for $6, an uber comfortable bra for $20, a black belt that says 'love' and 'peace' all over it for $5 and my favourite, a white shirt with a girls face on it that has blue splotches over the eyes and a pink splotch over the lips for $8. I also went to Chapters, another favourite store of mine. I got a book called The Sweet Far Thing but I forget who the author is. The sad thing is that I got three chapters in before I realized it's the last book of a series so now I have to go buy the other two before I read this one. I also got Outburn magazine, which is a music magazine for the people who listen to hardcore, screamo, metal, punk and genres such as that. It's the first time I've read that mag (I'm a Rocksound reader) but it's pretty decent, I really like the interviews with the bands.

Does anyone else stalk the crap out of LookBook? I love that shit. There's so many outfits I want to recreate, it's so amazing. There are some designers on there that will probably become the next Valentino or Louis Vuitton. My favourite designer on there is lookbook.nu/user/3627-Sacha-H. Check it out, seriously.

This morning, the first day of my summer break, at six thirty in the morning I was woken up after staying up until three by a back hoe, a dump truck, a trench digger and gang of attractive young construction workers driving into my back yard. It scared the crap out of me because I didn't know we were having some construction done until my dad called me from work saying that they were FINALLY putting a sewer into this little one horse town.

So, on that note, I'm going back to bed for another six hours or so, with earplugs.
 

Sixty days (give or take) until I move!

I'm very excited to be going back to my old school! Where I actually know people and have my nice, comforting group of misfits. I don't mean "misfits" in a bad way, just a way for me to say that my group of friends don't really share a lot of common interests. That's what makes us so awesome! Life will be a hell of a lot more interesting once I move. I miss Katelyn, the opinionated, lovable, hunk of fiery awesomeness. I miss Lindsay, my cute little soft spoken darling and concert buddy. I miss Adam, the nerdy and loud but understanding and compassionate long haired weirdo. I miss Ryan, the confident bushy haired one, otherwise known as "God". There's plenty more but I'm running out of adjectives.

I've certainly calmed down a lot since I moved in with my dad. I think that's good, because I realized how annoying I was last year, like holy crap. I guess just the excitement of the first year of high school just hyped me up constantly. I used to be the loud, annoying, bouncy kid. Now I'm the quiet, graceful *cough*, calm young lady. Well, most of the time. I have realized that I should not drink a medium double double from Tim Horton's before art class though. So calming down is good, except now I'm more self-conscious from being at a new school where I didn't know anybody and wanting to make a good impression.

I'm thinking that I want to change my style around a little bit too. I want to change just to kind of fully start over new. Except it's not really new since I went to that school for grade nine. I don't know how to explain it really. But all I know is that I want a new hairstyle, this one seems so boring to me. I need new clothes, not just for the cause of experimenting with style, but since most of my clothes are too big or are ratty and worn out. I really like going to thrift stores, you can find some amazing stuff there! I went a while ago and I bought this awesome shirt that's black, it has a silhouette of a city scape in purple and it says "New York" in bright pink. I got that shirt for two freaking dollars and I love it! But anyways, I'm not sure what look I want to go for. I really like music-inspired things, so I guess I'll develop my style from there.